My mother once said (though I’m sure she did not coin the phrase) “You may be a late bloomer, but you smell as sweet as any other rose” I think that may have meant more to me than she would ever know (especially since my mother is apt to be my worst critic as much as she can be my biggest fan).
Its a solid truth that my second chapter in life (now in my forties) is a much more stable, and pretty chapter than the one preceeding it. (See ya later 20’s, you were NOT my best friend). I, like many, if not all, other women, do not want to get old, but man do I love getting older, I am very good at it, and getting better all the time.
It is nice to know that my “glory days” are in the now and not in the past. Its nice to now my friendships may have grown fewer but, oh, so much deeper. Its nice to know my laugh lines are from, well, laughing! Its nice to know that the dreams I didn’t chase are coming round again and have started chasing me (time is a frenemy, that scares us, sometimes, so much, that it kickstarts us into taking action we may not have otherwise taken). Its nice to know that when love comes its never too late, actually its divinely on time. I’m very happy I never pressed that issue.
One of the greatest lessons I have learned is that we are born overcomers…our spirit was made to be resilient. Our paths were meant to teach us, all those bumps and blocks…all of them, strategically placed to give us our unique human experience. Its NOT what we have been through, but what we have overcome that defines us…me? Im a warrior. The most delicate kind, but still in the ranks, and for now ‘Im ok with that, as I said, I’m getting better all the time.
What I’m learning now is that one is never truly ready…not that we shouldn’t make great efforts in our life to prepare ourselves for opportunities, but our work should be spent more on creating opportunities and then jumping straight into them vs. preparing ourselves for the elusive opportunities we have yet to call forth. I am learning how to trust…everything…the process, life, myself (the hardest one), the unknown, the unknowable….just trust. Waiting on the right time is wasted time. Do your best…it will never be perfect, but it will always be better than waiting to do it later…later is not a real time.
What I hope to learn is that I can really do this. That I can shift my way of thinking, move forward with all these new(er) beliefs, and really succeed…get that level of fitness, never pick up another cigarette, travel, help others, adopt that child, love my partner as well as I want him to experience love in this life, and do the same for myself. I want to learn that practicing what you preach makes all the difference in the world, that my mind, my heart, and my soul can all operate on the same level and bring forth more and more of all these beautiful changes that I am feeling, and always seeking more of. I hope that this learning never ceases, I hope that my later chapter in life will amuse me, as I look back on a life that was lived dancing and tripping and running and falling and jumping and sobbing and laughing and loving and that it somehow all comes together to make a beautiful story…one that I am proud of, one, that I am lucky enough (and wise enough) to already be proud of. Loving myself is by no means an easy relationship, but it is one I am fully committed to.